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On Sat, 5 Jul 1997 14:44:11 GMT, Henry Spencer >You can expect to see more spacecraft sacrificed in spectacular but fatal >death plunges [Editor: an allusion to the fate of the Venus probe Magellan], >because it avoids the public awkwardness of switching them >off, and terminates operations spending just as effectively. For example, >NASA is going to be rather embarrassed if Galileo survives its high-risk >extended mission.....I can see it now: Sen. Skirtchaser: "(harumph!) Now see here, [Dan] Goldin [NASA's boss]! You told us you wouldn't need any more money for this Gallbladder probe! You told us it was going to die after it flew around Jupiter that last time!" Goldin: "Well, Senator, we made the Galileo probe too strong it seems. We now believe it'll last at least two more passes past Io, so..." Rep. Wallbanger: "TWO MORE PASSES??? Do you realize how much money that'll require?" Goldin: "Well, actually..." Sen. Bribetaker: "...It'll require us to cut back on our three-martini business lunches, that's how much!" Rep. Wallbanger: "Damn straight! By my figures, that'll cost us at least three lunches each over the next year!" Sen. Skirtchaser: "Can't have that, now can we? Dammit, Goldin, I thought you NASA boys had your shit together these days! Can't you build something that's supposed to break like normal things do?" Goldin: "Senator, we build our spacecraft with quality in mind! We can't design equipment towards planned obsolescence and breakdown!" Sen. Bribetaker: "Of course you can, Goldin! Look at the auto industry in Detroit!" Sen. Skirtchaser: "Exactly! They've been producing shoddy transportation vehicles for years, that break down under less than extreme conditions, and they're still making a profit!" Rep. Wallbanger: "So tell us, then: -Why- can't NASA do that? Why can't you build breakable crap like the rest of American industry??" Rep. Cokesnorter: "Hell, McDonalds could do a better job of screwing things up properly than the current NASA administration's obviously capable of. Can't even hit the broad side of a pizza-faced moon..." Sen. Porkbarrel: "...Funny you should mention McDonald's. They've just offered to take over daily ops from NASA in exchange for exclusive advertising rights on Mars. I feel that they've got a better clue or two how to run NASA more efficiently, and they're good at hiring kids to get them started in the labor force!" Sen. Skirtchaser: "(Harumph!) Well, we'll discuss that next week. In the meantime, we're late for drin...I mean, *lunch*, boys! First one to the bar is a NASA administrator!"
Remember kids, truth is stranger than fiction... |