- No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
- When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
- You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
- Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
- Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.
- Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
- School lunches stick to the wall.
- You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
- The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandpa's lap.
- It's hard to unlearn a bad word.
- Ask "Why" until you understand.
- It's easier to see the mistakes on someone else's paper.
- A pencil without an eraser may as well just be a pen.
- It's only fun to play school when you're the teacher.
- Sometimes the best one in the play has the fewest lines.
- Twelve is a lot older than eight.
- Sometimes your best move is blocked by your own checkers.
- Some nights it's not worth fighting over who gets the top bunk.
- Don't expect your friends to be as excited about your "100" as you are.
- Don't say that the "Last One is a Rotten Egg" unless you're absolutely sure there's a slow kid behind you.
- If you don't like the birthday girl, don't go to the party.
- Crawling still gets you there.
- If you want a kitten, start out by asking for a horse.
- Your room gets smaller as you get bigger.
- You can't start over just because you're losing the game.
- When you're dressed up like a princess, it's easier to act like one.
- If a tree had apples last year, don't expect pears this year.
- One drop of black paint from the brush clouds the whole cup of water.
- You can't be everyone's best friend.
- Snow days are more fun than a vacation day.
- All libraries smell the same.
- Say grace.
- If you want someone to listen to you, whisper it.
- Sometimes you have to take the test before you've finished studying.
- Silence can be an answer.
- Ask where things come from.
- If you throw a ball at someone, they'll probably throw it back.
- Don't nod on the phone.
Shalom! Rowland Croucher (rowlandc@mira.net)
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